Things to be thankful for, #9,432

Perhaps you can tell from my postings here that I'm a pretty cynical guy. I got an early start, actually, being called by my faculty advisor in 10th grade "both cynical and sardonic." Nice, no? Just what Mom and Dad want to hear about their child.

But the fact is, life's one gigantic Bee-Yatch and there's pretty much no stopping it (figuratively, you knuckleheads). As the great George Carlin said in his theory of life, it's tough. Check it:

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends... I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that... a bonus?

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...

And you finish off as an orgasm."

Pedro's NYC hearts George Carlin, obvs.

But as cynical, sardonic and pessimistic (I call it realistic, actually) as I can get, there's some times when you've just got to know that, all things considered, yo! Life's not THAT bad. Especially when you see things like this. By the way - I wouldn't click through if you're eating lunch. That poor kid. Damn! That's gotta hurt.

That all being said, I'd like to close with a sentiment more closely aligned with my true self.

When do you think the parents knew something was wrong? What in God's name is wrong with these people? It's like, "Mom, all the kids at school are making fun of me. They say I look funny." I can only imagine the mother's response that all mothers give, right? "You'll always be my beautiful baby!" Duh. I knew that old line was crap!

Anyway, I hope that this kid can lead something of a normal life. Seriously man, that's one tough face, but it looks way better already and hopefully doctors can get it done. So no cynicism, no ridicule, just positive vibes for this poor kid. And of course, a bitch-slap for her parents.