A Lesson in the Tensile Strength of Leopard Skin

Woman swallowed whole by leopard!!

My brother wrote the following in response to receiving the above photo in an email which was titled "Woman swallowed whole by leopard!". I think it's pretty funny, so here it is for you to enjoy. Those of you who know Matthew have to know that this sort of thing can only come from his head: pure. comic. genius.

"I bet they had to break out the famous "jaws of death" to extricate her, you know, the tool used to cut through the twisted metal hulks of car accidents to free trapped passengers. I'm guessing it wasn't pretty.

It's not widely known, but leopard skin has a tensile strength similar to that of spider silk, so in this photo her true bulk is disguised by the powerful containment effect provided by the leopard's skin. Once cut free from it, however, there would have to have been a literal explosion of mass. Not a true explosion of course, since that would technically require bits and pieces of flying debris. I mean, certainly there would have been all sorts of bits and pieces flying and possibly to deadly effect, but I'd have been more concerned by the shock wave caused by and preceding her rapidly expanding body mass. You know, like when a volcano explodes and the pyroclasmic gases roar down the mountain side at several hundred miles per hour, flattening everything in their path. It's quite an image. Thank you for sharing."

"Tensile strength"? "Powerful containment effect"? "Pyroclasmic gases"? WTF? Where does he come up with this stuff? Awesome! And thank you, Matthew, for sharing your priceless viewpoint with us!!