Kabbalah vs. Scientology

Joel Stein over at the LA Times wrote this great article on "getting ahead with the clever use of faddish religions". You really ought to check it out, here. In all seriousness, I've considered attending the introductory lecture at the NY Kabbalah Center for some time - a free class is held every Monday and Thursday. Actually I really just want the red string bracelet because it's so effing cool to have one and all the hottest starlets are doing it (via Defamer).

A few highlights from the article:

A Celeb-seeker's quest: Scientology brunch vs. hot Kabbalah women

I THOUGHT BEING A JEW was going to carry me. But after two seasons of making sitcom pilots that didn't land on the fall schedule, I needed a new religion to further my Hollywood career. I was going to have to choose between Scientology and Kabbalah...

As I was walking around the center, reading about the myriad accomplishments of L. Ron Hubbard (screenwriter, explorer, horticulturalist), a helpful guide asked if I wanted to see a short movie about Scientology. Knowing that short films are the best way to pick a religion, I headed to the screening room...

Before I enrolled, I asked Dr. Lehman if Kabbalah would help my Hollywood career more than Scientology.She assured me that there is no comparison. "If you can tap into your potential, your power, your wisdom, the light — then it's good for your career," she said. More to the point, Her husband used to run the TV Guide Channel and is now a producer...

You get the idea - he's got a pretty good sense of humor. I wonder what religion is right for bad ass hedge fund managers that beat the S&P every year for, like, 15 years in a row and then retire, loaded. If anyone's got any insights, feel free to comment back.