Merry Christmas

I've been reading a lot of blogs wherein the writers brag about how their Christmas Tree is the hottness and all that, and when my girlfriend and I put ours up I, too, swelled with pride at the Charlie Brown-like effect we'd had on our little frasier fir. My older brother kept a plaque on his desk when we were kids. It read "Success is like a fart: only your own smells good." And I guess this sentiment could also be applied to one's Christmas Tree. I guess.

Because this year our tree was the best. Hottness, REVEALED.



Regard, Suckers! I say BUZZ!

I'll be chillin with my homepeeps until next week and I don't know if I'll have a chance to post due to lack of access to a computer. So if I don't, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and best for the New Year.

Pedro

Things to be thankful for, #9,432

Perhaps you can tell from my postings here that I'm a pretty cynical guy. I got an early start, actually, being called by my faculty advisor in 10th grade "both cynical and sardonic." Nice, no? Just what Mom and Dad want to hear about their child.

But the fact is, life's one gigantic Bee-Yatch and there's pretty much no stopping it (figuratively, you knuckleheads). As the great George Carlin said in his theory of life, it's tough. Check it:

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends... I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that... a bonus?

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...

And you finish off as an orgasm."

Pedro's NYC hearts George Carlin, obvs.

But as cynical, sardonic and pessimistic (I call it realistic, actually) as I can get, there's some times when you've just got to know that, all things considered, yo! Life's not THAT bad. Especially when you see things like this. By the way - I wouldn't click through if you're eating lunch. That poor kid. Damn! That's gotta hurt.

That all being said, I'd like to close with a sentiment more closely aligned with my true self.

When do you think the parents knew something was wrong? What in God's name is wrong with these people? It's like, "Mom, all the kids at school are making fun of me. They say I look funny." I can only imagine the mother's response that all mothers give, right? "You'll always be my beautiful baby!" Duh. I knew that old line was crap!

Anyway, I hope that this kid can lead something of a normal life. Seriously man, that's one tough face, but it looks way better already and hopefully doctors can get it done. So no cynicism, no ridicule, just positive vibes for this poor kid. And of course, a bitch-slap for her parents.

Bodies ... The Exhibition, revealed!

I posted a while back about the exhibit going on down at South Street Seaport called Bodies ... The Exhibition where a bunch of cadavers preserved in formaldehyde or what not where on display in various forms of dissection for your viewing pleasure. Not being big on the whole blood and guts thing, I thought it would make a fascinating experience, if I wasn't booting into the East River.

Well, someone finally went. Here is a report from IdleAtWork, via Gawker, complete with pictures. It's really very cool looking and I might have to suck it up and go anyway, albeit on an empty stomach.

Total loss of inspiration

Man, it's been ages since I've found the inspiration to post something. Sorry 'bout that - I'm trying to get back on the old horse with some musings this afternoon.

On Saturday night we had our annual Christmas Party, complete with Tree, a full bar, and for the first time, a bartender NOT named Pedro, to my great relief. Spent Sunday hanging out/over and cleaning up. This coming Friday we're heading down to 20th Street for wurst and kooktails (Yavohl!), sans trannies (Saturday nights only) at Silver Swan so if any of y'all want to come give the headquarters a call, it's always an ass spankin good time.

Lots of commentary has been written and spoken about Richard Prior, who perma-peaced out yesterday at the age of 65. Although he's been out of the scene for a while, anyone who grew up watching vast quantities of tv in the late 70s knows that he was a groundbreaker and a genius. Unfortunately free basing, as it turns out, is not a healthy activity, and old Richie used to heart the glass pipe and the ensuing buzz (um - but not the sort of Buzz we here at PNYC refer to). Anyway, we had a VCR copy of Silver Streak that we used to watch until the tape practically fell apart; it was a family classic. We also loved Stir Crazy (We bad! That's right! We bad! - Best scene ever) and Brewster's Millions. So RIP Richie, here at Pedro's we're sensing a loss of Buzz. *Sigh*


Speaking of Buzz, you think King Kong's getting enough of it? I've gots to see this one - and on the big screen, too. None of this small screen crap. I caught a clip on Leno when he interviewed Naomi Watts of the Konger having a throw down with three T-Rex's that was spectacular. What was decidedly unspectacular was the interview with Ms. Watts, who was more like Ms. Nots with her dull responses to Jay's questions and quips. An example:

Jay: So I understand you injured yourself on the set. Is this true? Did you get hurt?
Naomi: Yes.

- Pause -

Jay: What happened?
Naomi: I hurt my neck.

- Pause -

Jay: Ok, can you tell us anything more about how it happened?
Naomi: I fell and hurt my neck.

Now that is some *riveting* repartee: fast paced, witty, colorful. Poor Leno. He carried her for two segments. Unfortunately, it looks like she's gonna be around a while, despite her inability to understand that Leno hosts a "TALK show" during which people generally, ah, TALK. Lou Lumenick at the NY Post calls her "perfectly cast ... in an Oscar worthy performance" so I expect she'll have plenty of roles to choose from for the next 12 months. Lumenick's review is glowing all around and can be summed up when he calls King Kong the "Year's best movie." How buzzful is that?!? With the girlfriend heading back to the Fatherland on Saturday, post-Friday's wurst, I'll be available for two weeks for movies that she wouldn't like. This is one of them. Call me if you want to go. Buzzzzz!

Gotta get home, folks. More soon, I promise.

Bodies ... The Exhibition

I've never really been into the whole blood and guts thing. Like, you know, when on ER or in some Nam flick, they show some dude's innards spilling out all over and blood spurting all over everything and what not. I mean, I took Biology in high school and we disected a fetal pig, but the grossest part about that was the formaldehyde stench. I had that bloody class at 8:30am and for like six weeks I'd carry around that stench all day. Nasty, nasty stuff. Just try talking to girls when you reek of formaldehyde - let me tell you brother-man: it ain't easy.

But anyway, the whole point of this is that I've seen ads for a new exhibition currently on display down at the South Street Seaport called BODIES...The Exhibition. Here's the description:

BODIES...The Exhibition will give the public the unique opportunity to see first-hand the inner workings of our bodies through authentic, preserved human body specimens. BODIES, The exhibition is a 32,000 square foot exhibit that features 22 whole body specimens, as well as more than 260 additional organ and partial body specimens.

Hmmm. Not so sure about this one, people. Now I'm not a bettin' man, but I'm pretty sure you'd get more traffic if you did something like, I dunno, Pedro's Favorite Bodies...The Exhibition. It's a univerally accepted maxim that I have an uncanny ability to identify hottness, and this would simply be a way of sharing my unique skill with the masses, for a nominal fee, of course, and an opening party sponsored by, say, Hooter's and Absolute Vodka or something. But, I digress. Although I enjoyed that digression, I must admit.

Anyway, this exhibition, is it trying to be some sort of Damien Hirst thing, but with humans? Now I dig Hirst's suspended shark and all, but I don't know if I really need to see human innards on display, know what I'm sayin?

But the problem is, something is drawing me to see this stupid thing. We here at Pedro's NYC definitely sense BUZZ. Look at the pics on the website linked above, they look pretty cool, no? How gross can it be? Seriously, this exhibit originated in Tampa effing Florida! If the peeps of Tampa can handle it, hell, so can I right?!? I from New York Effin' City, godammit!

Alright. So who's with me?