Oh. My. God.

Heya Peeps. Been swamped at work so I don't have much for you ... except THIS piece of genius (via www.goldenfiddle.com via www.viceland.com).

**WARNING: If your coworkers are nearby you'd best either 1) wait til their gone, or 2) close your office door if you're lucky enough to have one because you will laugh out loud if you've got any cynicism in your sense of humor.**

Things to do: whack people, animals

**UPDATE** Do to the extreme nature of the crime "allegedly" (NOT) committed by this kid, his blog has been shut down. If you missed it, that's a bummer because it was a bit more creepy than the creeps.

I'm sure you've all heard about this kid who whacked his girlfriend's parents in Pennsylvania and then drove off in his Jetta, ultimately crashing in Belleville, Indiana where he was apprehended. This kid is going away for a long long time, people. Let that be a lesson to you: whacking people is wrong. At least he looks good in stripes, as you can see, at right. But what this really is, is an American tale of a boy, his blog and his guns. 54 of them, to be exact, according to CNN. Some of you may think this is morbid or grotesque - and I won't disagree - but it's also fascinating. This kid whacked two people last week, and here's his blog. Be sure not to miss this picture of him lovingly eviscerating a deer (scroll down on the left, pics 15 and 16) that he shot with one of the aforementioned guns. And by the way, don't confuse his 54 guns with the guys who had 68.

Looks like Women are the new Men

**UPDATE** I received a comment from the Fiddler himself: Spencer Sloane, the brains behind www.Goldenfiddle.com. It was, not surprisingly, his genius (with a little help from photoshop) that generated the Vanity Fair mock up of Jennifer Anniston below. Again, if you don't already do it, hit his sight daily for some of the best, concise, and amusing content out there.

As the year winds down, semi-esteemed culture wonks hunker down and begin to review the year that was in preparation for all those year end shows/magazines, etc that we all love so much. But today a couple of articles have emerged and somehow, women have become the new men.

Let me 'splain (no, there is too much. Let me sum up*). Yesterday in Manhattan there convened a panel over at the Time Life building on 6th Ave and 49th Street. This panel was composed of the luminaries Brian Williams of NBC, CNN's Anderson Cooper, Democratic consultant Donna Brazile and conservative think tank head Grover Norquist and was brought together to opine on whom Time Magazine should name as its annual Man of the Year. I'm sure this, for some, provided a lively and fast moving afternoon of fun.

Any-yawn, it appears that the early front runner for Time's Man of the Year is none other than Mother Nature herself. Truly, her considerable gifts have been on full display this year, what with the natural disasters and freak occurrences occuring around the globe since the Tsunami rolled through last December, well, you'll get no argument from me. Furthermore, as far as I can tell, there's no actual proof that "Mother" Nature is a woman - I'm not saying She's a Man Baby, but simply there's no proof of her having a double X chromosome formation. It was even suggested that Bea Arthur accept the award on Mother Nature's behalf, which I find hilarious (via Page Six). But then I saw an article wherein it was disclosed that none other than New Jersey's favorite daughter, Jennifer Aniston, was named GQs Man of the Year, and my interest was peaked. I mean, with Mau-Dow running around town complaining (via Gawker and CNN) that since she can't get any, men are becoming irrelevant and that the Y chromosome is deteriorating, it's been on our minds. But now with this, we here at Pedro's wondered: if Jenny is Man of the Year, are we becoming irrelevant (of course this suggests that we have, at one time or another, been relevant which is another debate entirely)?

[Note: Does anyone know who the brains are behind this VF mock up at right? I can't remember and would like to give credit. Thx - Pedro]

Really what I really find fascinating, beyond my personal questions of relevance, is that J-An received this award. Perhaps there's something there. Perhaps the editorial staff at GQ is so much more culturally hip or foresighted than us here at Pedro's NYC, that perhaps men are becoming unnecessary and Jenny truly has done or accomplished or impacted life as we know it more than any other man this year. So let's look back at the year that was for Ms. Aniston in 2005. What grand achievements, exactly, did she accomplish this year to merit such a high honor? A quick google news search yielded the following:

Professional Accomplishments
1. Derailed (NY Post review: "Train Wreck", half a star)
2. Rumor Has It (slated for 12/25 release, opposite K. Costner and uber-wuss Mark Ruffalo)

Personal Achievements
1. Separated from Brad Pitt after she stupidly let him do a movie with arguably the hottest woman on the planet
2. Reconciled with her mother, who she'd stopped talking to because Mommy Dearest tattled to the tabs
3. Hooked up with the most bloated man in Hollywood, Vince Vaughn.

And really, that's about all I came up with - not that there's anything wrong with that. So let's recap: 1 poorly reviewed film with one in the pipeline, and a failed marriage... BUT she did reconcile with Mom, which is nice.

Apparently that equals Man of the Year for the "men" over at GQ, which, in my humble opinion, renders GQ irrelevant and entirely lacking any Buzz.


*Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain. [pause] No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

-- The Princess Bride, obviously

This absolutely MUST stop!

Who in God's name green light's this stuff? They ought to be smacked upside the head in the town square at high noon! How can people look themselves in the mirror after doing something like this to society?

Here's what is driving me so nuts: Lisa Loeb is getting her own reality show. From CNN:

The eight-episode series, titled "#1 Single," will feature Loeb as she moves back to New York and starts dating again for the first time since college.

Sounds riveting! But does anyone actually care about Lisa Loeb? Her music is vapid, neo-sentimental chick drivel of absolutely zero consequence that got air time on MTV for, like, a few weeks back in the 90s until everyone came to their senses and changed the channel. And yet some TV exec over at the E! Entertainment Channel decided, in keeping with the E! Channel's Original Programming directive of "provid[ing] you with unparalleled entertainment", that following a 37 year old marginal at best songstress around Manhattan while she tries to get some action is "unparalleled entertainment". I find that to be mind boggling! Why doesn't she just get on JDate like every other normal person and be done with it? Seriously!

The only reality show this chick has any business being a part of is this one.

OBVS: Pas de Buzz.

And I thought Bluto Blutarsky was good...

I just read an article about this dude named Johnny Lechner, and plain and simple, this guy is a genius. He's in his 12th year of college at the University of Wisconsin, Whitewater. That's right, his 12th year.

Now we here at PNYC HQ have never heard of UW - Whitewater, but frankly who the hell cares where it is? For the last 12 years I've been toiling away in New York, Evanston and Boston, and this dude's been grillin and chillin with, well, you know, college girls. He's probably forgotten more about a good kegger than I'll ever know. Spring break? Homeboy OWNS it. Seriously, people, I cannot be clear enough on this: Pedro's NYC hearts Johnny Lechner.

Check out some of the quotes off his website.

"I basically open the timetable of classes and try to find a few that I haven't taken yet. hopefully none of them are before noon."

"It's not all toga parties and keg stands, but don't get me wrong, those things are happening."

Bow down, people, and give credit where credit is due. This guy rules us all. Bzzzzz!!!!

Holy Hottness Batman!

Yesterday I got religion, and it's scantily clad.

I'm still shaking from the incredible sights and sounds that were revealed to and revered by yours truly yesterday at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The editorial staff of PNYC and the girlfriend were treated to second row seats*, approximately 10 feet from the catwalk and stage. I could see everything - and believe you me, these women have it goin' on and it was alll best. Moodles catwalked, Seal sang, trumpeter Chris Botti performed, lives were altered, hearts raced and dreams were made. Just another afternoon in God's Country: New York City.

Now we here at Pedro's NYC HQ are not experts in this field but, like every other red blooded American hetero man out there, we dig Victoria's Secret merchandise. Yesterday's show however, was on a totally different level. The people behind this deliver some serious science, leading me to believe they studied this stuff in school, perhaps here. Any-wow, it was pretty spectacular and even though it didn't come with the star wattage of the evening show, the up close view was great. Here's what the Associate Press had to say:

(AP) NEW YORK Gisele Bundchen set the tone at Victoria's Secret fashion show Wednesday when she stepped onto the runway in a bejeweled "Sexy Splendor fantasy bra," teeny-tiny red Santa skirt with feather trim, above-the-knee red boots and a huge grin that said: This is going to be fun, this is going to be fantasy, this is going to be fabulous.

And fabulous it was. Here's more, this time from the Reuters article:

They closed the show by lining up at the top of the runway, dancing and embracing one another.

There they were, 10 feet away from me, hugging and dancing. I nearly had a seizure, I swear to God. What, didn't you see this? It starred her! Go rent it!

But one thing I do want to point out that wasn't that hott, was Tyra Banks. Tyra thinks she's pretty cool. She thinks that because she's got looks that, historically, have driven men to war, she's the embodiment of coolness. Now unless there's a definition of cool that I'm not cool enough to know, kinda like if cool actually meant uncool, I have no buzz for Tyra. This event was in the 28th street Armory and I'm surprised her massive ego fit into the building.

Thankfully, Tyra's hanging up her stiletto's because she feels that her career as the host of the spectacularly inane America's Next Top Moodel, as well as the absurdity of the Tyra Banks Show is more rewarding than being a Mannequin. But I can see that when you're covering topics like this, that you're clearly adding something to society. From the NY Post:

But now, in the most surprising twist of the fall TV season, the 31-year-old beauty has discovered - to her own astonishment - what she is best at: being a superstar TV personality. Or, as she puts it, "Oprah with more cleavage."

"I want to be the voice of my generation," declares the feisty brunette.

Boy, that sounds like quite the generation. Thanks, but I'll pass.

--> Oh, and one other thing. Sorry about the delay getting this one up, but this is a crazy time at work so bear with me. Thanks.

*Pedro's NYC would like to thank Good Sir Ian for awesome seats and a helluva show. *PROPS*

Da na na na na nah! Today's my birthday!

While growing up I used to always look in the paper for that "If your birthday is November 8...." section on my birthday. I remember hoping that someone supercool would share my special day. For some reason, I remember being a little disappointed that my birthday was shared with folks like these:

1622 - Karl X Gustaf, King of Sweden (1654-60)
1900 - Margaret Mitchell, author (Gone With the Wind)
1909 - Katharine Hepburn, Ct, actress (African Queen, On Golden Pond)
1931 - Morley Safer, Toronto Calif, TV newscaster (60 Minutes)
1949 - Bonnie Raitt, Burbank CA, country singer (Green Light, The Glow)
1961 - Leif Garrett, Hollywood Cal, singer/actor (Devil x 5, 3 for the Road)

I mean, all I really had to go on was Kate Hepburn - awesome, no doubt, but not good for much playground cred when your 10 years old and trying to navigate the complexities and intricacies of pre-pubescent playground politics and survival. And frankly Leif Garrett, Tiger Beat pin up and all around wuss, was not what I would refer to as a trade up. I might as well have gone to school with a "kick me" sign on pinned to my butt. Seriously! Leif Garrett? Cripes!

However, I have learned some patience over my 37 years on this (sometimes) great planet. And if you wait long enough, sooner or later someone cool will be born on your birthday. So in college, things picked up dramatically with this addition to my list:

1967 - Courtney Thorne-Smith, actress (Day by Day, Lucas, Summer School, Melrose Place)

And since then, I have even gained some Indie Film cred!!! Who would've known?

1968 - Parker Posey, Baltimore, Md, actress (You've Got Mail, Best In Show)

But today is a watershed day for me. The ultimate birthday gift! I realized today - only moments ago in fact - that one of the world's brightest lights was brought into the world on this very day 30 years ago. Regard the hottness with veiled eyes, people. I share my birthday with her!

Don't cry, everyone, I understand and it's ok to be jealous.

Harry Potter #4 debuts in London, draped in velvet

I don't know who styled the cast and guests at the London premiere of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night, but I think they took the "velvet is in this fall/winter" theme a little far. Let's start at the top with the star of the show, Daniel Radcliffe who of course plays the role of Harry Potter himself. What the hell is Daniel wearing? Although this picture doesn't show it, other photos revealed that this jacket is knee length. That's right: he's wearing a dark green velvet suit complete with knee length jacket. Now I'm no fashion plate but you wouldn't find my dead, stiff, rotting corpse draped on head to toe green velvet - no effing way. So I ask, can anyone tell me why this kid is smiling?



There's more where that came from too. Check out Rupert Grint, who, unbelievably, looks cooler in blue velvet than anyone else who turned up on the Red Carpet. If only he could act!



The kid who's playing Cedric Diggory also dons velvet and probably would have taken home the award for best dressed had he passed on the leather pants. 17 year old boys shouldn't be wearing leather pants, period. Wait until you get through college before you try anything like this, people, unless you're in an LA metal band or you're gay. It's that simple.



But first place on this evening, proving yet again that all the money in the world - and Kabbalah - still can't buy a dime's worth of taste, I give you Madonna, shown here with 9 year old daughter Lourdes. On paper, I suppose, she's hitting all the right notes: the hottest color for fall/winter is purple and velvet is a very hot fabric at the moment - just look in the windows of any fashionable department store. However, Her Madge-sty wore this crazy ensemble that makes her look like a swashbuckling 70's Chelsea drag queen - certainly an interesting look to aspire to if that's how you wanna roll - but not the kind of look that gets buzz from Pedro.



Oh Lordy, Madge!

All that being said, I'm still a huge Potter fan and I'm looking forward to seeing this installment at a special screening hosted by some friends on the 16th - two days before domestic release - because that's just how we bring it here at Pedro's NYC and the Giblets of Besteverness.

I once caught a fish, and it was THIS big!

I happened on these photos while waiting for a conference call to begin and I just had to share them because we here at PNYC dig fishing. Of course, we practice Catch and Release whenever possible because that's just how we roll.

The point here is that whenever I come across photos like those below I gasp and wonder what I'd do if I ever hooked a beast like one of these. I mean, the size of fish you'd have to put on your hook just as bait is keeper size for me. So regard these monster catfish. I wonder if any of them are Albert Finney from the odd yet oddly enjoyable film, Big Fish. P.S. We heart Alison Lohman.

Fish #1: The Small Fry. Tim Pruitt, of Alton, Ill., holds a 124-pound blue catfish that he hooked on the Mississippi River near Alton. The fish is 58 inches long and 44 inches around. It took Pruitt more than a half-hour to drag the fish into his boat. It is the largest of its kind in state history, and is expected to be certified a world record by the International Game Fish Association.




Fish #2: The Contender. The photo, released Monday Aug. 1, 2005, shows Duncan Rooke, 32, left and Stephen Buss (who appears to be having a pretty good day), 30, as they haul in a record-breaking catfish in the River Ebro, near Barcelona in Spain on July 6, 2005. The 7ft 7in, (2.3 meters) 212lb (96kgms) female fish is the biggest freshwater catch ever made by a British angler and nearly pulled 32-year-old gas engineer Rooke back into the river once he had hold of her. After weighing the fish and burping her to get rid of the air in her stomach, she was released.




Fish #3: Dinner for, like, everyone in Thailand, FKA The Champ. In this photo released by World Wildlife Fund-National Geographic, two Thai fishermen show a 646-pound giant catfish they caught from the Mekong River in Chiang Khong district of Chiang Rai province, northern Thailand Saturday, June 11, 2005. Thai fishermen caught this giant catfish, believed to be the world's heaviest living freshwater fish, but it died after environmentalists and officials negotiated for its release to allow it to spawn, and then was eaten.



So much for ceremony, I guess. The people of Thailand are too practical to let all that food go to waste. I wonder if they just had like a monster catfish barbeque bash? I bet it was THE invite to have.

To be filed under: Potty Humor

I'm generally not a fan of the frivolous lawsuit but this time I'm not so sure. This morning the Associated Press reported that a guy had an emergency call from Mother Nature in a Home Depot outside Boulder, Co. Unbeknownst to him, someone had put superglue on the toilet seat. After he sat down and realized he was stuck his cries for help were ignored by Home Depot employees, which is the basis for the suit. It comes as no surprise to us that this sort of thing happened near a college town where over 29,000 kids go to school, those meddling kids! But I digress. Check it:

BOULDER, Colo. (AP) -- Home Depot has been sued by a man who claims the chain's store in Louisville, Colo., ignored his cries for help after he became glued to a toilet seat as part of a prank. Bob Dougherty, 57, said he became stuck to the toilet seat last year after somebody smeared glue on it.

I guess one could argue that this incident simply means that these particular Home Depot employees are a-holes. Or perhaps, given the cavalier attitude of the employees, this sort of thing happens at this Home Depot all the time.

A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk via radio, but the lawsuit said the head clerk thought it was a hoax.

One could also argue that anyone who takes a duker in a public commode deserves to have is butt glued to the seat if he doesn't wipe it down first. For us here at Pedro's the thinking is that you've got to wipe that bad boy down. If the loo here at PNYC HQ is any indication of non-residential loos everywhere, the savagery that occurs therein is unspeakable in civilized company. Next time, pass on that burrito at the food court unless you're going straight home and have a couple of hours to kill, know what I'm sayin'? We'd also suggest that HD sack all the a-holes who ignored this poor sod. I mean, from there, things only got worse, really worse. The final insult:

The lawsuit said after about 15 minutes, store officials called for an ambulance. Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat. The lawsuit said Dougherty passed out while being wheeled out of the store.

Can you imagine the horror? If I ever got wheeled out of anyplace with my pants down and a toilet seat glued to my ass, I'd pass out too. I mean, seriously Kyle, that's just crazy. And speaking of crazy, I bet the sick pranksters who did this are still laughing their heads off today. Demented, but probably true.

Anyway, check out the link to the story here and don't forget to vote in the poll. Results are interesting.

Nicole Richie update: She's still a total idiot! Humanity gasps!

So sorry, but Nicole Richie has got to be the biggest idiot ever. This chick recently did an interview for Jane magazine (presumably because she's accomplished so much with Daddy's money). Here's a brief exerpt:

"Nicole Richie wouldn't say no if she went back in time and had a second chance to try heroin. Richie told Jane magazine that given a second chance, she "probably would" try heroin again because that's her personality."

Frankly, I wish she would. And while we're at it, Pedro's would like to send a massive smack upside the head to the editors of Jane magazine, a publication aimed at teenage girls, for delivering content that could be construed by a girl as saying "Yo, H isn't that bad. I did it - and look how I turned out! I'm loaded, starving, and on the cover of tabloids the world over! How best is that?" *Wink!* It's an excellent message to send them, no doubt. Congrats to Jane magazine! You suck.

And by the way, if you're hungry for that extra helping of total effing mind numbing stupidity, go to amazon and get Nicole's new book. Check out the cover, here. Good thing they didn't touch up that photo!! All that being said, however, it has to be disclosed here that certain members of Pedro's NYC editorial staff do give her credit for giving good gams.

Abercrombie & Fitch controversy!

**UPDATE (11/9)** I've been informed that A&F actually caved, yanking the shirts out of stores and off the website, a victory for overly meddling parents everywhere! Woo Hoo!

And people wonder why ANF is so popular with teens? Gimme a break. Check out the new t-shirts that are apparently stirring some kind of controversy. Psychotic parents beware: this stuff is mildly amusing and overtly suggestive and stupid. Thus you crazed people best devote too much time to putting a stop to this sort of thing - because the more you make noise about it, the more popular these T's will be with the kids.

I guess I'm on a "marketing outside the box and thus generating brand buzz" trip today.

Best pumpkin ever

Due to the recent technical difficulties, I was unable to publish this pic of my favorite pumpkin. Lord knows we've all had days like that.

This is the first year in many that your friends here at Pedro's didn't carve a pumpkin due to the fact that the girlfriend was off visiting her peeps. Thus, in lieu of that I give you the image at left.

Happy Halloween, y'all!

Ralph Lauren marketing machine thinks outside the box

I just caught this story about a deer caught, not in the headlights, but rather inside the Ralph Lauren store in Georgetown Park. I guess the beast must have come from the park land around the Canal and Glover Park, to the south and west of G-Town's campus. My bro used to work at that store back in the day. Serious congrats to the RL marketing team for generating buzz as they roll out their new holiday floorset. BTW, RL stock has kicked some booty this year. Check out the chart here. That being said, however, I spoke to a very smart guy the other day who showed me his Sum Of The Parts analysis that kicked out a $43 fair value (price at close on 11/2 $50.10). Either way, I'm a 16 1/2" neck and a 35" sleeve, and I accept and appreciate gifts from Ralph.

Thrill List rules again!

I get this email from www.thrillist.com four days a week. But this one is genius. The peeps behind the list are just a bunch of drunken frat boys out there in God's Country, lookin' out for the rest of us drunken frat boys. I urge you all to sign up. If nothing else, the picture links are often hilarious. Enjoy!

Sienna/Jude update: Questions of Leo

Ahh, the celebrity break up. It's a beautiful thing; it really is. The foibles of the rich, fabulous and famous are a huge industry. And we here at Pedro's NYC love it too. So without further ado, I give you a Jude/Sienna/Leo/Giselle update. Be sure to be sitting down for this.

Now we all know that Jude and Sienna broke up. Hey, he diddled the nanny for chrissakes! But you've just gots to know that this must have broken Sienna's heart, because Jude is hung, and quite well I might add, as evidenced in the photo at right (via Defamer).

But the story gets better, because new reports have it that Giselle and Leo's break up, reported in the hallowed pages of the NY Post's Page 6, are related to the ongoing saga of Jude and Sienna. The word on the always truthful Internet have it that Leo and Sienna are hooking up, and that ultimately was the straw that broke the camel's back for Giselle. She said enough's enough and issued Leo his papers.

Fascinating stuff, no doubt. We're doing all we can to keep you, our loyal readers, up to date.

Yo! Where's Pedro?

Sorry about the hiatus, folks. But I've been having technical difficulties that seem to have resolved themselves. So I'll be back to regular posting now. Boo Yah!