Jim Henson Rules

I've never been that into Philately, but I always dig hitting the philatelic desk when I'm at the post office, as I was this morning. Lo and behold I saw these recently released Muppet stamps. Soooo best. I loved the Muppets when I was a kid. Last year there was an article in the Wall Street Journal about the decline of the cookie business as American public schools try to shift to a healthier diet. Accompanying the article was a picture of my old pal, the Cookie Monster. I even cut it out and taped it to the side of my monitor, so I can chill with the C-Mon all day long. Cooooooookieeeeeeeeee!

But most of all I loved these guys.



And when I grow up, I want to be just like them. Their names, which before today were unbeknownst to me, are Statler and Waldorf. On their resume at www.muppets.com, it lists their special talents as "Heckling, complaining, being cantankerous" and their favorite movies are "The Gripes of Wrath" and "Forrest Grump"! How great is that?

But ultimately, I bow low and pay homage to the late great Jim Henson. It was his creative genius, hard work and endless talent that's behind all of it. The Muppet Show ran for only 5 years ('76 - '81), but they're still around today. Pretty sweet legacy, yo. And now, it looks like they might even get their own Muppet reality tv show. Breaking!

In today's NY Post I caught a gem of a story about how Al Reynolds, beard - I mean - husband of The View co-hostrix Star Jones Reynolds, was arrested for driving with a suspended license.

For starters let me say this: there's a ton of evidence out there that this guy plays for, well, you know, the other team - not that there's anything wrong with that. But the story thickens because he married one of the most psychotic females ever to walk God's great (sort of partially) green earth. I mean, look at them! What a sham! Maybe it's a marriage of convenience so Star can mack it and pack it with Sheryl Swoops. But hey - I'm not here to start rumor and conjecture, just to comment on it and enjoy its sweet sweet nectar.

The beauty of this story is why Al was arrested. According to the NY Post report,

Cops say the dapperly dressed former Wall Street trader was driving north on Third Avenue at East 71st Street when he changed lanes without signaling at 2:40 a.m.

I smell some serious BS here. No signal when changing lanes on Third Avenue? I've been in cabs doing 40 while making a right hand turn from the far left lane with no signal and all the cops have done is give the cabbie the finger. What gives? DEVELOPING! Stay tuned.

I love the 80s because...

Attention People! Gawker is conducting a contest to see who can come up with the best end to the sentence beginning "I love the 80s because..."

The winner gets ... Free stuff from VH1! Woo Hoo! Free stuff! 100% off... of... stuff!

Don't miss this opportunity to display your rapist like wit, and send your answers to tips@gawker.com witht the subject line 80s Contest. There doesn't appear to be a limit to how many times you can enter, but don't be an ahole - and limit it to two or three.

Lindsay Lohan Joke #4,289,072

Presented to you via Spencer at Goldenfiddle, proving again why he's required reading. Hilarious!

Breaking! Cast of Harry Potter greets London Press. Confirm none of them can act. Britain declares eternal love nonetheless!

So this morning the cast of the upcoming and eagerly anticipated Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire greeted the London Press. Some of you may know my inclination towards a good fantasy book and I've been all over the Potter series since way back in the day. Which is just how I roll, as I've stated here before, but I digress. The point I want to make here is just how middling these movies are. Sure the occasional coolness is revealed but on the whole, the three main characters couldn't act their way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors if their lives depended on it. Furthermore, as the books weaken in quality (Ref: The Half Dud Prince) this movie franchise will, almost assuredly, decline from mediocre to plain painful. Sad.

Now my better half maintains her position that Daniel Radcliffe is to blame. And I normally wouldn't argue. He's horrible - and he's the lead character! I mean Harry is supposed, in his own way, to be a beast. Daniel Radcliffe, on the other hand, wears a lot of purple - and there's nothing I can do to help him. Unfortunately for the casting peeps, they hired a pussy and they're stuck with him. Next!

Emma Watson as Hermione Granger is a little more challenging. She can almost act - which is really saying something here. I mean none of the other kids can so I suppose I should consider her the bright spot. But, speaking of spots, looks like our little girl is growing up. And PS: Emma, what in God's name are you doing with those shoes on? Methinks she raided Rupert Grint's closet!

I don't even know what to say about this guy, except Good Luck with your career in radio kid, because no one's ever gonna wanna look at that mug on the big screen again. Woof.

And that leaves me with Rupert Grint. Every time he appears on screen I cringe. Now I'm not sure I can pick out one thing or the other - frankly I believe that he's that special package which is a confluence of zero talent, no presence, an annoying voice and a face only a mother could love. Ugh! Who cast this kid? I suppose there could have been a sympathy issue, I mean, the kid's name is Rupert Grint after all, but still. And now he's got that stupid "I listen to the Bravery, Death from Above 1979, and Wolf Parade and thus I'm hipper than thou and PS my bank account so massive that I never even bother to wear clean clothes" look! I'm just wondering who stole his eye liner? Somebody cut this kid's hair! FAST. Like NOW!

It's truly a shame, because so many of the adult characters are well portrayed. Maggie Smith is great as McGonagall, Richard Harris was great as Dumbledore, Robbie Coltrane is great as Hagrid, and Alan Rickman owns Severus Snape. It's such a shame that they couldn't get the main protaganists right. *Sigh*

Dakota Fanning's plot to rule the world

**UPDATE**: Looks like I'm not alone! Defamer noticed "Dakota Fever" in LA over the weekend. I swear, it's just too crazy to not be true. It really is Dakota's world and we just live in it. *Sigh*

With this weekend's release of "Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story" a rash of articles have circulated about the remarkable greatness that is pint-sized Dakota Fanning. I'm stepping in here because it's about time someone cried foul. How is this kid such an A-Lister? I don't get it! Can anyone out there help me here? This kid's gotta be the most annoying kid in America!

Elisabeth Shue was quoted as saying that she was willing to take any part available to her just for the chance to work with Ms. Fanning again, "just because I love her so much." What a load of BS. It's sickening. Elisabeth Shue, the lovable Ali Mills from The Karate Kid, the scary street ho from Leaving Las Vegas, is kissing up to 11 year olds! I have to wonder, what has her career has come to? Where's her dignity? Her self respect?

But shmeariously, folks, accusations of plastic surgery aside (via Goldenfiddle), let's look at the facts: her actual filmography. Because this kid's movie list is terrible, no doubt about it.

Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story (2005) - Predictable schmaltz.

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch (2005) (V) - Straight to video! Well done, indeed!

War of the Worlds (2005) - This film was so mediocre that the Cruiser had to hype it by going crackers. See other posts below for further details on the sweet psychosis that is ... TomKat! Also, Ms. Fanning's character is so annoying that the whole film experience was an exercise in frustration.

Hide and Seek (2005) - Um, did anyone see this movie? Exactly what I thought.

Nine Lives (2005) - From the IMDB Plot Summary: "Captives of the very relationships that define and sustain them, nine women resiliently meet the travails and disappointments of life." Jeezus, who writes this stuff?

Man on Fire (2004) - Another Denzel vehicle that nobody paid to see.

Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time (2003) - Do I really need to comment here people?

The Cat in the Hat (2003) - I love Mike Myers as much as the next guy, but this was a total bomb.

Uptown Girls (2003) - Who the eff green lights this crap?

Sweet Home Alabama (2002) - Another family classic, I'm sure. Melanie Griffith? Ahhh, not so much, thanks!

Trapped (2002) - Another film no one saw, despite the presence of Charlize Theron hottness.

I Am Sam (2001) - This, apparently, is "an important film." In my book that's code for "it sucks." Generally I love Sean Penn - only as an actor, mind you, not as a political activist - but there's just zero chance I'll ever watch this movie.

So there you have it. My rant of the day. I'm so annoyed by all this feel good Hollywood BS. 11 Year old A-Listers with terrible resumes and faces for radio who bring home millions per picture and I can't afford to pay off my student loans. Un-effing-believable. No Buzz for DFan from Pedro.

Developing! Katie Holmes learning how to knit! TomKat still Koo Koo for Coco Puffs!

Holy crap. I've just gotta say - and Gareth will attest to this, I absolutely cannot get enough of TomKat. I know www.defamer.com has a tag line saying that they're "Unhealthily obsessed with TomKat" and I'm right behind them. The shocking besteverness makes me giddy and excited like a kid on four Red Bulls on Christmas morning! This morning, MSNBC posted a transcript of a Today Show interview with Mrs. Cruise herself, fka Joey (RIP). Apparently she's "excited" and "learning how to knit." She's even picked up the absolutely sweetest nickname of all time: Cruiser Spawn Carrying Vehicle ("CSCV"). GENIUS! Go to www.tomcruiseisnuts.com for daily updates on Sr. Cruise and the CSCV, it's a brilliant website.

Of course for those of you who live in remote places devoid of media coverage and light, the general story here is that Sr. Cruise assembled a list of possible starlet candidates who would play the role of a lifetime: Mrs. Cruise. Inclusive in the contract is, allegedly, artificial insemination and child birth, a wedding, and NO QUESTIONS ASKED! The salary for this position (based on starlet's gross box office receipts, obvs) has been said to be in the $10 million range. Other names rumored to have interviewed for the job are Scarlett Johannsen and Jessica Alba. That's right, Jessica Alba. Jennifer Love Hewitt's name has been tossed around too. Nice work, if you can get it. The term of the contract has not been disclosed nor have rumors circulated indicating anything. And by the way, this is all hearsay and utterly unreliable internet rumor mongering, so of course I believe it completely. How much fun is this? I love TomKat, it's that simple.

Furthermore, I'm sure you've all heard Sr. Cruise blathering on about Scientology (or ScienTOMogy as some have named it). [**UPDATE 10/28/05** Scientology lawyers have forced the sweetness that was the ScienTOMogy website to shut down, dropping a Cease & Desist letter on them and subsequently they have closed the site.] Now I have it on completely unreliable authority that his recent outbursts and behavior are in line with his achieving OT-VII (that's Operating Thetan Level 7 to you) status within the cult, I mean Church, of Scientology. Now don't get me wrong. I dig Xenu as much as the next guy, but Tom's kinda cracked. He's become that train wreck in slo-mo that you just can't turn away from. You must check out this website for more fun with Scientology. I swear I'm not making this up!

This, people, is original content, baked and served right in our own Rockefeller Center, for your viewing pleasure. Mmm, Mmm, Best!

Without further ado, the interview:

Two weeks ago, the world found out that Tom-Kat will be starting a family with their very own Tom-Kitten. “Today” West Coast contributor Maria Menounos got an exclusive first chat with Holmes since announcing the big baby news.

Katie Holmes: We're so excited.

Maria Menounos: Tell me like what it’s like: You're pregnant [and] you are marrying the man you've always dreamed of.

Holmes: I know.

Menounos: It's such a story book.

Holmes: It's amazing. I'm so happy, it's a dream come true. I feel great. I'm beaming and … I'm so excited.

Menounos: Are you guys going to start putting together the baby room and stuff?

Holmes: Yes. We're getting that together and I'm learning how to knit.

Menounos: Have you guys started putting wedding plans together yet?

Holmes: We are. We don't have a date just yet, but there is so much excitement going on. It's just amazing.

Menounos: It's your first wedding. I can imagine it's going to be the biggest wedding ever.

Holmes: It's exciting. We don't know yet but we are thrilled.

Menounos: What's Tom saying?

Holmes: He's thrilled.

Menounos: Is he filming right now?

Holmes: He's filming "Mission Impossible 3."

Menounos: Do you get to visit him often?

Holmes: Yeah. I'm on my way right now.

No! I said I'm on the Underhill's tab, thanks

So this guy goes out with a couple of buddies and drops $241,000 at Scores. Let's take a closer look at this, shall we? I mean, this is some kinda math, yo. Now I'm a pretty big spender - that's just how I roll, as you all know. But schmearioulsy, how do you drop $241,000 at Scores in one night?

Scenario 1: If you only get lap dances, at $20/dance, that's 12,050 dances, not including tip or drinks, etc. at approximately 3.5 minutes per song, that would take 42,175 minutes, or 702+ hours which = 29+ days. Hmmm - not so reasonable. Next!

Scenario 2: Same as the last one, but this time we'll be more realistic. Let's say you tip each girl $10 per dance (Ref: high roller) and you have 10 drinks while you're there. Then, it looks like this: the 10 drinks will cost you $15/per, plus the tip of $5 per drink brings your bar bill to a healthy $200. At $30/dance with the remaining $240,800, you can get 8,026 lap dances, which at 3.5 minutes per song equals 28,093 minutes, or 468 hours which is 19.5 days. More reasonable, but I suspect that no man could take that and you'd probably end up dead. So again, not so reasonable.

Scenario 3: Let's move this to the probable zone. If I'm going to roll into Scores, I'm bringing Ralphie-Mal and Chris for starters. RGD has the Scores experience and Chris has no kids and thus is pretty much always available. This CEO brought three friends, which dramatically reduces the number of days it would take to drop this kind of cake so it's only fair that I get to share the wealth as well, right? Hopefully we'll bump into Howard Stern. And we're not sittin in the cheap seats. We want lotsa company and we want it in the champagne room. I want Cristal. Lots of it. I want it flowing until all the girls are covered in it. I suspect in that sitchy-ation that I might even get some on myself. But, whatever. I digress. That fact is, that in a good 12 hours you probably can blow $241,000 at Scores. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm figuring 3 girls each (9 total), at $1,000 per hour. And if history is any judge, well, we'd probably knock back a good four bottles each of champers, plus two bottles each for the girls. That's a total of 18 bottles for the girls and 12 for me and my homebeasts. 30 bottles at $500 = $15,000. Nice.

A solid start, but we still have to blow through 226 grand - no easy task at that. So let's look at the more aggressive portion of our cap ex for the evening. With 9 girls, each commanding $1,000 per hour, that's $9,000 per hour - but we gots to tip because we're whales, high rollers, big stakes guys ... you know, idiots. So let's say we tip each girl $100 per hour. So our hourly cap ex for "conversation" is $9,900 - for math's sake let's just say $10,000 because Ralphie-Mal says that this way is easier.

Now we here at Pedro's NYC are pretty good with numbers so let's see where all this gets us. Czech this out:

$241,000. Less: $15,000 for Cristal = $226,000. Hourly companion outlay: $10,000 which, when divided into $226,000 = 22.6 hours. THAT'S LESS THAN ONE DAY. Nooooowwww we're a talkin people. This is getting more and more interesting. I mean from there, all you've got to do is toss in a few trip to the "chambre privee" for some quality time and BAM! You're in and outta there in 15 hours. No probs whatsoever. Of course, you might go out on a stretcher and end up in traction for a few weeks, but hey! What's a coupla weeks of traction between friends?

So there you have it. I could swing on in with a coupla friends and drop $241,000 at scores in, like, 15 hours. A test of wills, certainly, but as Sun Tzu said, "All battles are won before they are fought." I think this guy would know how to drop $241k in a few hours too.

BTW, if anyone out there has 20 grand to drop, stop what you're doing and call me - I've got some ideas on how to throw it away.

Have a great weekend people.

This I've got to see

Via Goldenfiddle, simply the dumbest thing ever. David Copperfield, magician, moron, and mad man, discusses his newest trick. In his upcoming magic show he's going to impregnate a woman, on stage, without ever touching her. I guess the show will take 9 months?!? I mean, how's he gonna prove it? I don't get it! Does anyone have any ideas on this?

The Fiddler nails it, though, when he says that "He should talk to Tom Cruise." Brilliant. Effing brilliant. (Scroll down to the 10/19/05 post, first bullet point.)

Check out the rest of the story, here.

Michael Musto's Genius

Via www.gawker.com, highlights from an interview with Village Voice Gossip Columnist and all around fruitcake Michael Musto. I gotta admit, I find him hilarious!

Q: You are celebrating your 20th year with the Voice. What has been your
biggest accomplishment?

MM: I pioneered snark and was openly gay way before that was cool. I stuck to my guns and kept afloat and now I’m probably not snarky or gay enough!

Q: We adore trannies as much as you. If you had to name the number one tranny in NYC, who would it be?

MM: Ivana Trump.

Q: What has been the biggest change in NYC nightlife for the past twenty years?

MM: The starving artists are gone and now there is a lot of rich, pampered twits. Clubs are overly regulated and publicized. And there’s too much obsession with being skinny and blonde. Otherwise it’s really fun.

Q: Why do you think Anna Wintour (editrix of Vogue) keeps Andre Leon Talley (Editor at Large for Vogue) around?

MM: Honey, I have no idea about anything above 14th Street.

Q: Quick name association. What comes to your mind when I say Star Jones?

MM: She doesn’t believe in gay marriage, yet she married a gay!

Ivana Trump? Genius! I nearly fell off my chair when I saw that. The zinger to Star Jones is brilliant too. And finally, I really appreciate his artful dodging of the Wintour/Talley question. They were trying to put him on the spot and he avoided the trap and looked clever doing it. If only I had that skill!

You know she's crying inside...

I suppose part of me hopes that this kid's looks improve because no good can come from someone having to go through life looking like that. What happened to Klumtastic Heidi's genes here? Is Seal responsible? I mean, seriously! Look at that kid! Jeeeezus! It's creepin me right out!

Click on the photo for a clearer view, if you dare.

Kabbalah vs. Scientology

Joel Stein over at the LA Times wrote this great article on "getting ahead with the clever use of faddish religions". You really ought to check it out, here. In all seriousness, I've considered attending the introductory lecture at the NY Kabbalah Center for some time - a free class is held every Monday and Thursday. Actually I really just want the red string bracelet because it's so effing cool to have one and all the hottest starlets are doing it (via Defamer).

A few highlights from the article:

A Celeb-seeker's quest: Scientology brunch vs. hot Kabbalah women

I THOUGHT BEING A JEW was going to carry me. But after two seasons of making sitcom pilots that didn't land on the fall schedule, I needed a new religion to further my Hollywood career. I was going to have to choose between Scientology and Kabbalah...

As I was walking around the center, reading about the myriad accomplishments of L. Ron Hubbard (screenwriter, explorer, horticulturalist), a helpful guide asked if I wanted to see a short movie about Scientology. Knowing that short films are the best way to pick a religion, I headed to the screening room...

Before I enrolled, I asked Dr. Lehman if Kabbalah would help my Hollywood career more than Scientology.She assured me that there is no comparison. "If you can tap into your potential, your power, your wisdom, the light — then it's good for your career," she said. More to the point, Her husband used to run the TV Guide Channel and is now a producer...

You get the idea - he's got a pretty good sense of humor. I wonder what religion is right for bad ass hedge fund managers that beat the S&P every year for, like, 15 years in a row and then retire, loaded. If anyone's got any insights, feel free to comment back.

6 Years of sweet sweet tv joy!

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! To all the home beasts at Spike TV, I thank you. From www.comingsoon.com, regard:

Spike TV has engineered the biggest movie purchase in the net's 22-year history, ponying up between $65 million and $70 million for a six-year exclusive deal covering all six of Lucasfilm's "Star Wars" movies, reports Variety.The blockbuster in the deal was Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith, which Spike TV will get in the first network window in April, 2008. That's the earliest window a cable network has ever landed to a "Star Wars" movie; the first five titles began their TV life on the Fox Network.Two more ecent "Star Wars" pics -- "Attack of the Clones" (2002) and "The Phantom Menace" (1999) -- have had runs on Fox but have never shown up on cable before. Spike TV will get them and the original three films in April, 008.The original "Star Wars" trilogy has played on a number of broadcast and cable networks over the past two decades. But Spike TV expects to chalk up lots more Nielsen numbers through heavily promoted stunts and marathons.

Must see TV

Here's a list from the "Parents Television Council" of the 4 worst shows on TV for "family viewing" - whatever the hell that is. My parents used to just watch the news and whatever was on PBS - Upstairs Downstairs or something like that. So here's the list:

1. The War at Home
2. The Family Guy - Go Stewie!!!
3. American Dad
4. The O.C. - Simply not to be missed. However, due to the baseball playoffs, no new eps til November.

Note that all four of these shows are from Fox. Bravo, Fox, Bravo! Well done, indeed.

Bond or Bland? Vote today!

Jeanette Walls of MSNBC wants to know what you think of the new James Bond, Daniel Craig. Vote here. Personally I think he'll be fine - the focus should be on the screenplay. And the Bond Girls. My vote on that one is for Angelina Jolie to bring it as the next Bond Girl/Arch Criminal. How best would that be? Imagine the explosion of hottness... Oh, Lordy.

Trashlee Simpson, Episode 2

Her Royal Trashleeness has released her sophomore album, "I am Me", and the reviews are simply genius. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up. Sadly, it will still probably sell a coupla million copies, for which I will mourn for my great country and for a generation. *Sigh*

Here are some highlights from the Entertainment Weekly Article:

"But who is this "me," anyway? Little Ashlee was, of course, never the "bad-ass girl" she claimed to be on her debut, 2004's gangly "Autobiography," which proved definitively that ersatz punk was the new middle-of-the-road pop. "

Genius, no? But wait! There's more!

"'Hollywood sucks you in, but it won't spit me out," she semi-snarls in "Boyfriend," which finds Simpson rhyming "for sure" and "my tour," certainly two phrases of equal importance in her universe."

Developing! Ashton Kutcher still a Pussy!

When will this guy go away? OK: punk'd was cool for, like, a few minutes. His movie career, despite such timeless classics as Just Married, Guess Who, and A Lot Like Love, has never really generated any 1) good reviews, 2) buzz, or 3) box office receipts! Joker, Joker ... And a Triple!

Seriously, Kyle, I saw this article about a new sitcom he's pitching called "30 Year Old Grandpa" and had to share. Apparenlty it's loosely based on his own life! Zing! That kooky kid! When will he stop the hilarity?!?

My attorney is currently structuring a future ban on paying for any and all Kutcherian related content. Updates forthcoming.

It's Wookie-licious! Chewy becomes a US Citizen!

The actor who played Chewbacca in Star Wars, Eps III, IV, V, and VI, Peter Mayhew, was sworn in as a US Citizen yesterday in Arlington, Texas. Apparently he gets to keep his passport from Chewy's home planet of Kashyyyk. How sweet is that?

The details are linked here.

Also, for Chewy's bio, click here.

FINALLY! Allan Houston retires at last

Allan Houston finally announces the end of his career. Thank God. Now maybe the Knickerbockers can move forward. From the article:

"A favorite of Dolan's, Houston was given a much-criticized $100 million, six-year contract extension in 2001. The deal made him virtually untradeable once he began to get hurt and crippled the Knicks' ability to make moves because of salary cap woes."

This has to go down as the worst spent money in history but we're finally out of the tunnel (not that Tunnel, people). Hopefully, Isaiah Thomas (no relation, obvs) can use the salary cap relief to continue to reshape this team.

The rain in Maine...

Well, we attended a wedding this weekend in Maine and the weather was plain awful, which is a shame. The poor bride and groom - what're they gonna do, right? But we had a ball anyway despite nearly being swept away by the rains and blown away and frozen to death by the icy cold winds on Sunday. Apparently we weren't the only ones with paper thin walls in their hotel room, either, as plenty of others commented on the noise. But we still had a great time and congrats again to the happy couple.

When our photos get downloaded I'll post a few but you've got to give me some time on that one.

Happy Fasting

So I wondered why the subways were empty, the market was thin, streets were empty and the office seemed so dead. I finally realized that today is Yom Kippur. After living in NYC for more than a decade, I'm finally getting it all straight. Rosh Hoshanah is the beginning of the new year and this year it fell on October 4, but in 2004 it was on Sept 16. This year they partied like it was 5766, because it is the year 5766 according to the Jewish calender. That's a lotsa years, people.

Anyway, Yom Kippur begins at nightfall eight days after the start of the new year. Thus, it's last night and today. The words Yom Kippur mean "Day of Atonement" and the day is recognized as the holiest day of the Jewish year. For us gentiles, or goyim, it is also known as "The Feast of the Immaculate Reservation" (compliments to Lernsie). That table at Spice Market? A booth at Pastis? Tonight's the night people. You can probably walk right in and they'll seat you.

Here, compliments of Wikipedia, is how it all came about. Dig it:

After the Israelites alienated God by worshipping the golden calf, Moses ascended Mount Sinai to ask God for forgiveness. While Moses was on the mountain, the Israelites repented by fasting. On the tenth day of the Hebrew month of Tishrei (Yom Kippur), Moses descended Mount Sinai with the second Tablets. Thus, on the first Yom Kippur (approximately 3,500 years ago), the Israelites succeeded to atone for their sins and renegotiate their covenant with God.

So now we know.

Sweet Jesus, Joan. Stop it.

Via Gawker and Cityrag, I just couldn't let this one go by. Gawker nailed it best when they remarked that it looks like Joanie had finally graduated from The Jocelyn Wildenstein School of Damn Girlfriend 'Sup With Your Face. Kudos to Gawker for another home run. Hilarious.

In the meantime, this really ups the ante for next year's awards season. I'm sure her skin will loosen a bit before then so it probably won't look so extremely unnatural, but at the rate that Joanie goes under the knife, you never know. As may or may not know I'm all about the red carpet pre-awards show. That's just how I roll, obvs. Now that E! has unloaded Star Jones Reynolds, Joanie's once again got the market cornered so we'll be forced to watch. I, for one, can't wait.

Take a bow Joanie (via Cityrag)

I guess life's not that simple

Executives at Fox Entertainment have decided to cancel the television "reality" show The Simple Life after three cracktastic and trampulous seasons. Unbelievably, the earth continues to rotate and humanity survives. Paris and Nicole's friendship, sadly, did not. From CNN.com:

"But in April, Hilton issued a terse statement saying it was "no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends. Nicole knows what she did, and that's all I'm ever going to say about it." The hotel heiress has given no reason for the split. She lobbied for Richie to be replaced by Rod Stewart's 26-year-old daughter, Kimberly, but Fox dismissed that option." (Article at CNN here).

The Simple Life
2003 - 2005 RIP

Good Sir Knight!

Wacko Jacko is such sweet fodder. Now he thinks he's the reincarnation of an English Knight named Sir William Marshal (insert joke about squires/catamites here). If that's the case, it's no wonder this guy kicked so much butt back in the dizzay. I really wish he would move to Dubai or whatever. That way I can listen to Off the Wall and enjoy it without being creeped out.

Check it out for yourself, here.

Oh, Sweet Mercy, NOOOOOOO!

Via Gawker, and I warn you to view at your own risk. You'll never look at Cynthia Nixon the same again. Ohhhhh Lordy, the Humanity of it all.

First sign that The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe will suck

Uncle Grambo over at whatevs.org nailed this one but I had to toss my two cents on top because I heart The Narnia Chronicles, so here goes.

WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKIN?

Here's the deal. Last week Disney's Buena Vista arm released an album "Inspired by the movie The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" of Christian Rock. That's right, folks. Christian Rock - and these guys aren't even featured (and of course, let's not forget where they got their name, Isaiah 53:5, of course)! And neither are these guys! However, I did note that someone called Rebecca St. James is featured. Weird, but I coulda sworn I'd heard of an adult film star by the same name. If anyone knows who I'm thinking of, hit me with a comment.

I guess Uncle Grambo has a point when he says that, although risky, it'll probably pay off - after all he is in advertising so what do I know? Seriously Kyle, hasn't everyone read these books? If well made, this movie could do half a billion world wide box office, easy, including a solid $250 in the US, so none of this probably matters in the end. I guess I just find it odd, that's all. I mean, Christian Rock - Pas de Buzz for Pedro.

Pedro's TV Guide

Tonight's a fairly solid tv night. He's my take:

8:00pm - If you're not a baseball fan you've got only one choice here: Go with the TCM showing of Jaws. "I'm talkin about workin for a living. I'm talkin about Sharkin!" However, I'm sure some of you have a thing for American's Next Top Moodel, so that too, is on at 8 but I just don't get the buzz. Tyra Banks has to go - her 15 minutes were over like 10 minutes ago.

8:30pm - I know I ripped it earlier, but I'm going to have to check in to channel 7 ABC for a few minutes of the worst everness that will be Freddie. I have a weakness for horrible tv. I can't help it.

9:00pm - It's gotta be Lost, right? Commercial breaks split between Jaws, ALCS and NLCS.

10:00pm - New Law & Order (Dum dum! Do do do do do!). Don't miss it! Commercial breaks for Jaws, ALCS and NLCS.

That's all folks. I'm going home to maul a steak with Ceals and Chris so I'm outta here.

Pop vs. Soda

I can't figure out why I find this so fascinating. I guess I've always been conscious of it because I grew up in LA (soda), then Connecticut (again, soda), then the formative years in Chicago (pop), Boston (soda), Washington, DC (appears to be Coke), and New York (soda).

So I guess the formative years were formative because I remember going to high school in Boston and being ridiculed for referring to it as a Pop Machine. So there you have it.

Python week continues unabated in Florida

What's up with all of the python activity in the news lately? First there was the 13 footer that tried to swallow an alligator and then I came across this little gem in the news today as well:

Elidia Rodriguez, of Miami Gardens, had been looking for her year-old Siamese cat for two days when her son found a bulging Burmese python slithering in her back yard. Al Cruz from the Miami-Dade Fire Rescue anti-venom unit then captured the snake, and it was taken to the Sense of Wonder Nature Center at A.D. Barnes National Park. Veterinarian William Chavez said an X-ray shows evidence that the bulge in the python was indeed from a cat it had eaten. "We usually get two birds here a week that get attacked by cats. They either get killed, mauled. Baby opossums. Cats kill everything ...(In this case), something killed a cat and swallowed it," Chavez said.

The best part? Obvs: the photo evidence!! You can totally see the cat's spine and head (lower left)!

The MTA continues to screw people over

I reported earlier that I had to wait almost 20 minutes for a V Train to arrive this morning. In the meantime, I read the Post and watched 4 E Trains go by. Now I loves me my E Train as much as any club kid, but I really had to get to work. I was scheduled for an 8:45am presentation, which, ultimately, I barely made.

But here's another story, via Gawker.com, from another beleaguered rider of the MTA's subway system. Now this guy got screwed. Completely screwed. How does this happen? Here's the story and the link:

"I’m on the F train into Manhattan and after Bergen Street it stops at
Hoyt-Schermerhorn. Everyone’s confused until the conductor finally gets on the
intercom and completely clarifies by saying “um, apparently we’re at the wrong
station.” So they just make the train a G instead…. Maybe the MTA can use their
surplus to buy their conductors subway maps."

Developing! Peter Jackson to helm Halo movie

Now this is some serious effing news, people, so pay attention! Peter Jackson and his wife have joined Universal (prod and domestic dist) and 20th Century Fox (int'l dist) as Executive Producer of Halo: The Movie. Sooooooo effing best!

Oh, and by the way, he's lost some weight.

For those of you who live in a world devoid of all mainsteam media, Halo is a Microsoft video game that absolutely rocks. Here's a description from a website:

"You are Master Chief - the ultimate commando - a cybernetically enhanced soldier representing the peak of human military evolution. You are efficient, skilled, and dangerous. A sci-fi shooter that takes place on a mysterious alien ring-world, Halo will have you battling through amazing indoor and outdoor environments, in vehicles, and on foot with the largest arsenal of futuristic weapons, vehicles, and combat roles of any shooter ever. "

How awesome is that?

Ashton Kutcher update: He's still a pussy

But apparently he's not a Boy Toy.

It's official! Jude Law is single again!

I know some chicks who heart themselves some Jude Law, especially now that he's officially dumped Siena Miller.

Ron Artest update: He's still nuts

So Ron Artest of the Indiana Pacers vows to continue his crazy ways. Floorside seats anyone? Thanks, but I'll pass and catch the highlights. This guy's crackers. To wit:

"I'm going to continue playing hard and out of control, like a wild animal that needs to be caged in," Artest said Tuesday night.

See the article for all the fun, here.

Over/Under is 7 Episodes

I don't generally wish ill on people, but in this case I can't wait for this show to fail. I predict it won't see its 8th episode hit the airwaves, and I'm being generous. Who the hell green light's this crap and why do they still have a job? Freddie Prinze Jr.? Please!

I love this bit of the article best:

"The series, about a young man whose home is otherwise occupied by female relatives, is loosely based on Prinze's own story."

Freddy's own story? Him and a bunch of chicks? This sounds familiar...

Holy Crap

Why doesn't this ever happen to me? A 17 year old kid reels in a 527 pound swordfish.

Today's New York Post

I love this about our society: there's always someone to blame. I read this garbage on the way to work (actually I read it while waiting for a subway train that took 20 minutes to turn up - another stellar performance by the MTA. Thanks!) and wanted to make sure no one missed this breaking news.

Because at the end of the day, we all want to live in sunny Greenwich, right? Ahhh, suburbia.

Can you believe this?

When I see things like this it makes me want to bitch slap the mother in the town square at high noon. And then have her neutered so she can no longer procreate. A mother let her 7 year old daughter drive the car. Shockingly, they crashed. Article from WNBC.

Welcome To Pedro's NYC Blog

So herein lies my attempt, however feeble, to get in touch with my inner hipster while simultaneously slacking off at work. So far, so good.