The NY Post calls on Pedro, obvs

Last Friday afternoon a liesurely walk that began in Tribeca eventually led the girlfriend and me to Washington Square Park. While taking in the "Let's make fun of white people before we ask them for their money" comedy/variety show that seems to run in perpetuity in the fountain, we were approached by two women from the NY Post who were seeking opinions on the whole Oprah v. James Frey Smackdown.

As some of you know I can be opinionated. Also, as some of you know, after a bottle of wine at lunch on a Friday while playing hooky from work I can be mildly amusing. These two unsuspecting "reporters" did not know either of this and were subsequently lured in by The Pedro Tractor Beam.

Now, I'm not one to toot my own horn, but... Ok, ok. I toot my own horn but that's only because I'm brilliant, charming and smarter than you - but that's all another story and you all probably knew that already. I'm dashingly handsome too. And that's NOT another story. It's the only story. But back to the anecdote at hand...

Suffice it to say that I was on fire. An audience with a pulse sure makes a difference! I dropped some of my oldest lines from acts I pulled in cheap clubs in the early 90's and they ate it up with a fork and spoon before begging for another helping. I, feeling magnanimous, obliged, closing with a brand new bit developed on the spot. Allow me to paraphrase myself:

There are certain pockets of society (myself included) that believe that Oprah is actually a space alien sent here to take over the world. I heard something about it on Howard Stearn this morning, so it must be true. But seriously she has, in my opinion, largely achieved her goal of world domination. Furthermore there is no evidence of which I am aware that she is human and her physical appearance doesn't make her case any stronger here either. And James Frey should have thought about that! I mean, the last thing you want to do is piss off the most influential woman in the universe!

Oprah: The Real ET?
Film at 11...

But human or otherwise, The Big O's influence runs far and wide and for commentary on this (and other pressing societal issues) the Post knew to call on yours truly. Ultimately, my choice words for them led to them taking our photo which, thankfully, they did not publish - allowing me to maintain my anonimity, of course.

To see the article, click here and regard the splendor of the fourth paragraph!!**

**Special thanks to Krazy Kate and Bennay for the head's up - and a great meal to boot!

One way ticket to the Doghouse

Despite the long standing love affair I've had with my girlfriend, we here at Pedro's know quite a bit about the old dog house, having spent more than a little time in there over the years. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I'm there on such a regular basis that years ago I decided to make some investments to trick it out - you know, make it comfortable. I mean if I'm gonna behave like an insensitive idiot, and my girlfriend is gonna recognize (still trying to get her to stop that, btw), well then I might as well be comfortable. Plasma TV? Check. Separate beer fridge and food fridge? Check. Lush plush shag carpeting? Check. Surround sound? Obvs.

You get the point.

And then this press release came across my desk this afternoon and, well, I don't know what to say. It just seems to me that if you want a slap in the face and a one way ticket to the dog house, Yo! This has gotta be it: Valentine's Day Dinner at a White Castle near you.

Now DO NOT get me wrong here. Pedro's NYC hearts White Castle (although the post game gastrointestinal distress is not as much fun as it used to be). It's just that it's probably not wise to be rolling fast food style on Valentine's Day, know what I mean?

Fact: Kanye West is a Tool.

By now I certainly hope you've all see the cover of Rolling Stone that's on the stands right now featuring Kanye West wearing a crown of thorns, Jesus style. Because, obviously, Kanye is the Son of God and the savior of mankind. Duh.

In a shocking turn of events this happened to piss some people off. Someone besides us here at Pedro's thought that Kanye's ego had reached a sort of Tipping Point. You know, that point where you've just gotsta stand up and say "Sorry but that's [insert personal favorite scatalogical reference HERE]."

And thankfully some dude did just that.

The ensuing piece of genius is not my work. I generally try to create an original viewpoint but this one I couldn't pass up. So it's via Gawker, via Andy at HangingStranger. Thanks!



Bush? Bush is just an idiot. I believe it's Kanye who "Straight up be trippin'"!

Idiotarod 2006

I saw this gem on Thrillist last week. How much fun does this sound? It's like the Iditarod, but for kooks, knuckleheads and others lacking in social prominence and graces. In other words, people just like you... and the editorial staff of Pedro's NYC.

Here's a description of the race, from the organizers' website:

The Iditarod is the famous long-distance race in which yelping dogs tow a sled across Alaska. Our Idiotarod is pretty much the same thing, except that instead of dogs, it's people, instead of sleds, it's shopping carts, and instead of Alaska it's New York City.

But it's not just like that. After all, people, this is Pedro's NY Effing C. And we all know that as New Yorkers we have to roll a certain way. So these geniuses (or is that genii?) came up with some rules. Regard:

The race begins Saturday January 28, 2006 in Brooklyn at 2:30pm at Monster Island, 210 Kent Avenue in Williamsburg (L Train to Bedford). We will announce two checkpoints and a finish line before the race. You choose the fastest path. You will be held for 20 minutes at each checkpoint. There will be booze at the checkpoints.

When I read this I started to get kinda pumped. This sounds like fun. I mean, how bad could it possibly be? Drinking booze is involved - even encouraged! But there's more, my loyal steakheads! When asked where to get a shopping cart, they reply to "Be resourceful." When asked what it will cost they pull no punches and state the obvious: "Dignity ... and $5 per person." There are also awards for the winners as well as best act of sabotage.

Now as most of you all know, I'm basically a Manhattan guy. Some of this is a direct result of being a lazy, tired drunk who is almost 40 years old. Hipster parties in Billyburg? Not so much. Misshapes? I think not. You get the idea.

However, this phenomenon also stems from back in the day when every time my friend Bullsie left the island of Manhattan the Invisible Man took him down - at times causing serious damage (I'll try to get some actual shots in here at some point because I do have them at home). Some have argued that it's because every time he left Manhattan he got so hammy-head that he fell down or over, but I've seen things most wouldn't believe and it's not because I was too loaded to know the difference. We here at Pedro's are professionals and wouldn't lie about something like this. The invisible man had it out for Bullsie. I saw him nearly take James down once too, but that's another story...

But the thing is, is that Bullsie's been Livin' La Vida Hungary for a coupla years ostensibly mitigating Invisible Man risk. And as such, I'm willing to risk a subway ride to the hipster heaven that is Williamsburg to attend what I'm sure will be a fine, fine event. My G-town Hoyas take on a pretty tough looking Cincinnati team at 12 noon on ESPN2, but we could probably at least make it to the finish line for the big finale, just to see all these "athletes" in their moments of triumph.

For some shots from 2005 Idiotarod, click here. I think it looks like a ball. So if anyone wants to hit this (Samwell?), lemme know cause it would appear the girlfriend is, shockingly, uninterested. Boo Yah!

I can't handle the truth

Holy crap. What a day. It was like Christmas and my birthday all rolled up into one amazing college hoop dream on Saturday when my Georgetown Hoyas beat then #1 ranked Dook, 87 - 84. Talk about epic! I was going bananas as Samwell and I cheered on our boys at the (new) Banc Cafe on 30th & 3rd. I think we might have scared the locals. And I accidentally broke a glass. And we were pretty sauced by the end of it all. But we won the game (and probably the drinking contest as well). It was amazing.

I've been a Hoya fan since my older brother arrived at the Hilltop in the mid-80s, when Patrick Ewing was lighting up the NCAA and Georgetown was a national powerhouse. In all of those years, I can't remember a bigger win for us. And this one was huge, suggesting that our program may finally be getting back on track after years of darkness under former coach Craig Esherick. John Thompson III coached a beaut of a game and our boys executed flawlessly. I still don't get what's wrong with Roy Hibbert but I don't care as long as we win. The guy's 7'2'' and he can't seem to ever collect any rebounds or score any points, but whatever.

Below are a couple of photos from various message boards with some brief commentary. The next game is tomorrow night at Notre Dame. Hopefully our boys can keep the momentum up and win one on the road. The new rankings aren't out yet, but I can't even remember the last time we had a ranking next to our name. Top 25? Prolly not. But some votes? I gotta think so.

**UPDATE** The ESPN poll came out and the Hoyas are in the 27th position, making tomorrow's game against Notre Dame in South Bend a must win if we want to crack the top 25. There's no resting on any laurels during the regular hoops season so we'll see if JT3 can keep the boys focused.

I'm so enjoyin' this. Here's the Hoya Hoops link to the game's write up. Back on the map, baby, back on the map. I can't wait to see our boys again at the Garden for the Big East!!! GO HOYAS!!!



Tip off. No one knew what the day would hold yet. It sure is good to see the fans pack into the MCI Center. I believe it was a capacity crowd of over 20,000 people. National tube, too. All good come Tourney Time.



Jeff Green, sans corn rows, drops two points worth of science on Sheldon Williams and the Dookies. Unfortunately, Sammy and I didn't have any sound at The Banc Cafe, but at some point Dick Vitale had to have removed his tongue from Coach K's arse to respect Jeff and Co. as they outplayed their opponents for the whole 40 minutes.



It's mother effin Miller Time for these two. Jeff Green and Brendan Bowman embrace amidst the crowds after the win. Bowman led Georgetown with 23 points and Green dropped 18. Congrats, boys, it was a helluva game.



I like this one because you can see Hibbie in the middle of the crowd. Interestingly he looks as confused and lost after the game as he did during it. Looks like the crowd is pretty pumped. You think they sold any beer at the Tombs on Saturday night?



After the game, JT III was asked what his old man said to him in the tunnel. And as always, JT II came correct: "Congratulations. I love you." So Best.



ESPN.com reports the news to the world. The table has been set. The question that remains is what the Hoyas do with their new found recognition. They bumped off the number one team. Will the elevate their play for the second half of the season? Or continue to play like the team that beat South Florida by three points just last week? The second half of the season starts tomorrow night, so stay tuned Hoyafans!!!

If you haven't yet, I highly recommend taking a look at these pics here.

Colin Farrell, Warrior Poet

Sorry I don't have a lot of time today to post something more in depth, but frankly, the link below will provide you with some genius of epic proportions. Now we here at PNYC HQ have seen a lot of Colin Farrell's work, you know, like Alexander was ok, and SWAT had its moments. Minority Report was original and pretty cool, too. I even dug his character in Daredevil, despite the fact that the overall film was weak (Thanks Affleck!).

Anyway, as I'm sure some of you who don't live in a sensory deprivation chamber have heard, some of Colin's latest work has gone straight to DVD, eclipsing theaters but oddly, on path to generate more revenue than Alexander!! Who would've thunk it?!?

And that's because Colin starred, directed, produced, and most likely leaked this little gem to the Internet. But that is not the link that I've got for you today, loyal readers. No, today, I have a link, via Defamer, via All the Shrimp You Can Eat, a transcript of said work.

Now I know what I think I know what you're thinkin. And that is, obvs, who the hell has time for this kind of crap? And let me tell you that I wish I did - there's no doubt about that. Because this is some priceless stuff.

So without further ado, I give you The Warrior Poet. Don't fall out of your chair laughing - you've been warned.

And I thought Hasselhoff had it going on!!!

In fact, the newest biggest stud in town is obvs The Burger King... Or is it the King of Burgers? According to at least one website, homey rolls as simply the Burger King King, which, although clumsy, doesn nothing to take away this guy's undeniable mystique.

I'm sure many of you have seen the ads, you know the one where he runs in a ball for a touchdown (in what would appear to be Green Bay's Lambeau Field) and then jumps into the stands to the joy and excitement of the fans. If you look closely (or happen to see the ad a few dozen times) you'll even notice a fan bend down and plant a kiss on the King's very own crown. It's a touching moment, as a loyal and loving subject shows his obvious affection for his liege.

The thing is, I thought it stopped there - but alas! It does not. The King, it turns out, can not only run like a 4.2 40, but he gets recognition from the ladies too. Check it out here. And by the way, that is Brooke Burke in case you wondered (via Adrants). Look at him! He's not even breakin' a sweat! Hell, I'd be a drooling mess just standing in the same room with Brooke Burke. But the King? Well, I guess that's why he's the King. *Respect!*

But, as we've seen with young royals everywhere, sometimes the fame, the fortune, the money, well, it can all lead to excessive decadence. And it looks like the King is no exception (via Ideagrove).

Damn You Kate! Damn you straight to hell!!! Another idol comes crashing down! For shame, for shame....

'Nuff Said

Dude, Hasselhoff rules. Period.

Photoshop Rules

It's Friday afternoon, people, and I've gotta split in a few minutes to meet the girlfriend at Kip's Bay for a 6pm showing of Syriana. We heart Clooney because he rocks it like that. The girlfriend hearts Clooney too, but more like this. In fact, she's allowed to leave me for him if she ever gets the chance, but that's another story.

Today's story is a link to a photoshopped ad for cigarettes. You know, a blogger with time to kill's take on the Brokeback Mountain Marlboro Man. And his "special friend." Not that there's anything wrong with that. Actually, I just think this one was hilarious so, via Andy Towle over at Towleroad, I give you Towleroad's Brokeback Marlboros. So best. So funny.

Have a nice weekend! I'll be getting loaded compliments of El Giades at the soon to be called Great Danish Christmas Fiasco-cum-pickled herring-fest of 2006. No photography allowed, please.

Pure Genius, revealed

This one comes via Defamer, the LA cousin of the fine peeps at Gawker. It's a head's up for anyone out there who might be interested in a little Brokeback Mountain memorabilia. It's actually a link through to an EBay auction for the piece pictured at right which the seller is calling a "One of a kind DOUBLE Oscar for Brokeback Mountain" (for reasons I'm sure I don't have to explain, obvs).

Defamer points out one obviously genius aspect to the statue, which lies in the fact that the statues lack any defining male reproductive organs, just like a "real" Oscar. But it's the hair that really gets me. It's like they're sporting some kind of 70s LA quasi-pornstar type of 'do, except they are so young that they can't even grow the mustache yet. It's like a young, gay, cherubim fest, gone western. But the oddest part is on the auction site where it says that the product's condition is "Used."

Wha?

Heath Ledger. Jake G. Small gold statuettes. A little math, and YO! Dude! Not so sweet! I might have to pass on this movie, people. Not that there's anything wrong with any of this, of course.